His scandoulous grace

I feel stained red
these scars life deep
Lord I am undeserving
your scandalous grace
yet again saving
My scars and pain only
a thread to His quilt
he holds my own heartaches
asking then to what scars
was I holding
..
mere memories
as He now clearly encompasses
all Our scars and pains
to outspread this quilt of love
showing me the inner longing
is not of this world
telling me so softly
you are my child
through this mystery
true sacrifice
true unconditional love
my faith will remain
only to grasp a tiny drop
of the Spirit's omniscience
so very thankful
to be apart of this grace
I have come to know and believe
as tears now wiped on my sleeve.

----
really just had to put and wrestle some words down as I was reading about St. Francis. which helped inspire this...

2010

Just trying to get used to typing 2010 really, amazing to think of all the major events during the past ten years, some have left just as abruptly as they came, others changed the settings indefinitely such as Hurricane Katrina, or 9/11. Remember the anthrax scares, Hussein executed, U.S in war(s) and still are, The first African American elected President, UNC wins NCAA championship :) the tallest building in the world is now in Dubai. And many others. Although honestly I was hoping for flying cars maybe next decade. With the new year coming it also means recovering from the holiday craze. I try and keep a humble heart at my household and with those I love. And challenge myself to be selfless. It can prove to be a bit difficult with so many folks in one household. As well as being selfless is an evolving act revealing a newness to each day and at times I feel a day behind.. But surrounded by lots of family also means there are a lot of opportunities to lend a hand. Sometimes I get the response like " no I'm fine I don't need any help" And I noticed it's much more difficult to allow others to help me when I was doing things over the holidays. And it stems from a more selfish act. I noticed that instead of me taking a tiny bit more time to allow someone to lend a hand and explain to them what I was doing I was saying "no I'm fine". Like washing the dishes, instead of simply telling a person where the dishes go and how you like them put up and so forth the dominating response is "No no I got it." I realized I was being more selfish by doing "things" myself than allowing another person to lend a hand.

So the unselfish act is to accept help, and this will be a work in progress for me.

Veterans Day

happy Veterans day.. It is important to take time today and throughout our busy daily routine to give thanks and respect for those who give their all for our country. Whether you believe the war now is just or not makes no difference. Today is a day to honor those who've bravely decided to protect the beliefs and values and the land we so freely walk on day in and day out.

Although I disagree with several aspects of our military and governments relations the men and women of our services demand respect from citizens.

Our souls have not wept in Vain

"Great truths are dearly bought, the common truths, Such as we give and take from day to day, Come in the common walk of easy life, Blown by the careless wind across our way

Great truths are greatly won, not found by chance, Not wafted on the breath of summer dream; But grasped in the great struggle of our soul, Hard buffeting with adverse wind and stream

But in a day of conflict, fear, and grief, When the strong hand of God, put forth in might, Plows up the subsoil of our stagnant heart, And brings the imprisoned truth seed to light.

wrung from the troubled spirit, in hard hours Of weakness, solitude and times in pain, Truth springs like a harvest from the well-plowed field, And our soul feels it has not wept in vain."

this writing is from Streams in Deserts


This has such a meaning for all I believe in knowing the real truth is only found through
grinding in our trials and understanding the ambiguities of life. There is a reason we are called to praise Jesus in the midst of our stormy tribulations.

the evil addiction

As people whom consume more resources than the top other 3 countries combined Americans have created many little addictions. There was a professor once who could not go much longer than 20 minutes without using afrin a nasal spray. He simply became addicted to it. But their are a lot of harmless or semi harmless ones out there: harry potter books, shoes, having sunglasses, funny shirts "in case of emergency break dance" (my fav.), sodas, checking emails, having two pens at all times, Sports, twitters...and so many more...but one of the most evil of them all is Chapstick. I believe it might be harder to quit than cigarettes. Chapstick has become the devil and now that it is winter the devil looks and feels so moist and tastes pretty good and I just can't stop thinking about usuing chapstick. I am going on a week now without using chapstick, and I want to rub my whole face in coca butter right now..

Is chapstick addiction a real thing or is this in my head?




So the more you moisturize your mouth, the drier it gets -- sending you back into the vicious cycle of slathering on the balm.

the battery

at points in my life my faith becomes stronger through just being able to withstand the waves of life, like the battery walls at Charleston, SC. As I try to live an honest life, wanting to walk with God I am often beaten down because of my own failures or frustrations. For I can never fully obtain this perfect life here I know but lets just say I usually learn the important lessons the hard way. over and over again.

but gold is only purified through fire.

To have faith-- when you are down and out, when your wall has been battered, when you can barley stand it..And to have this faith...well is to live life with this faith. It may become so difficult when you are face to face with yet another wave of life. But through these turbulent times our faith begins to grow strong. In Hebrews, Ch.11 starts out " The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living." (message)

There are a lot of things that make life worth living but the foundation is this trust this faith, to walk each step with this upon your consciousness. And when the waves come I am convenced even then I am being polished.

battered down

help me see not my flesh
but whats inside,
grabbing anything within reach
hungry for the turn of a new day
winds are threatening all that
stands beneath
Lord throw me the line...
deep breathes and understanding
the crashing waves pounding
my body weary
I'm buried alive
barely standing against anything
As I want to run from it all
Waiting the toughest action
of all to hear
yet it is the only voice telling
me he's near,
Just wait.....

Heres an older one

"my turn to listen"

when to listen, when to speak, walk
and knowing went to rest
decisions shaping the unknown
yet future is certain to unveil in
which the fashion could turn
which course my heart burns
the flesh in toe
without question bits of time to ask
for a direction of action,
act with full intention of kindness
letting no falsehood or character change
my eyes for they are set.
overlooking distractions hoping
it is a clear coast from my viewpoint
which is.
my vantage point is of no use
for there is not a clear cut path of less traveled
which leads to the tree of wisdom,
each step is unknowing
based on faith, ripples of choice felt across the oceans
of lives fighting through the waves of turbulence.
one tells me actions meant so much
I smile
knowing the heart must fully be immersed
in this kindness provoking the eyes of
desire.
never having the knowledge
of which sunset is last
Must walk with whole heart ed intentions
of seeing this
world as being alive connected
by a translucent chain of events.
always open my eyes and ears, for the sights
and sounds transcend the hearts and desires
of the masses none
of which can fall on deaf ears.
Today I stand still and listen for it is my turn

1-7-09